Well, 5 years ago today anyways. My grandpa passed away April 9, 2004 and I honestly can't believe it's been 5 years. My heart aches today, I can't stop thinking about him and I can't stop the tears. I still think to myself how it wasn't fair, it wasn't his time, there was too much left to do and left to see. I miss my Grandpa so much it hurts. I'm sad that he wasn't there when my son was born, that my son won't get to know him and reap the benifets of what a wonderful man he was. I swear when I felt as if no one in the world loved me, my Grandpa did and I swore that no one would ever take that away from me! I'll never forget when I answered the phone and it was a nurse from the hospital; my mom took the call and immediately collapsed. When she mustered up the courage to let her mouth speak those wretched words "Grandpa died!" my heart ripped in two. The tears filled my eyes but I held them in. I had to be strong. I went to his side in the hospital room, I stayed there for hours. I held his hand and stroked the softest hair I'd ever felt, I kissed his cheek, rested my head on his chest. Heaven was truly blessed to recieve that Angel that day. I know I'm being selfish but I feel angry every time I need him. I'm ANGRY that he isn't here, I'm ANGRY he left too soon! My Grandpa was supposed to walk me down the isle at my wedding and after he passed, I FEARED that walk. Instead I got married at the courthouse. Terry wants the big wedding just for the ceremony's sake, but I can't do it. It won't be right. My Grandpa won't be there. I dream about him all the time, I'm proud of myself and want to call HIM and I can't. I don't even have a damn picture to hang in my house!! I want him back.. more today than I did 5 years ago....
Please read this ad published in the Sacramento Bee after his passing.
I;m so sorry for your loss Kegan. I still cry over my grandma too sometimes. Hugs!
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