Now, onto something that matters to me... CHANGES. I am definitely one for change. Change my hair ALOT, change my clothes, change the arrangement of furniture in my house. One change I am not fond of? Change of heart. Change of soul. It's hard for me to accept the changing of relationships between two people. The changing of personality, beliefs, attitudes. I totally understand that sometimes your ideas about life change, but how am I to accept what seems like a complete 180*? It hurts me to look at someone that I admired for so long, looked up to, loved unconditionally and all of a sudden start to wonder, "who are you?". It's sad. It's heartbreaking. Or am I just too sensitive? Or someone else... I've strived for this person's attention, love and devotion for as long as I can remember. I do what I can to make them happy and want to feel like the center of their world. And for awhile I do. And then there's that one day; that one harsh comment, that one small shove, and again... it's completely devestating.Does change come with age? Will I not be the same person 20 years from now that I am today? I understand that it's a great possibility that my favorite color may change from red to brown, and then again to green. That's acceptable. But will I also stop loving those who I love now? Will my values change completely because of someone I met, or an experience that I've had? I suppose there is no way to know until the time passes and I'm actually 20 years down the road. I just hope that it's not the norm, I pray that I'm able to stay true to myself.
Speaking of praying, Terry and I haven't been to church in months and it's definitely starting to bother us both. We've decided to go back to going to service each Sunday and becoming active in our church community again. It's wonderful to have something to look forward to, to believe in.
"how am I to accept what seems like a complete 360?"
ReplyDelete360* puts you in the same place as you were before. You must have been looking for 180* :-)